When cancer was over it was hard to move on
Everything ended and old opportunities were gone. Though I was cancer free, it hardly mattered.
I didn’t want to start over, I felt tired and battered.
I felt finished and wanted life to be done,
There was no zest for life and no more fun.
But I gave myself time and started to feel better
A new attitude made my appetite wetter.
Life was looking good again but some lymph nodes started to grow,
My oncologist said Lymphoma again, Wow! Wouldn’t you know!?
I was finally moving on and the news came as a shock
It’s like being on square one again like someone turned back the clock.
This time is different though because I feel a lot of guilt
I didn’t want to rebuild nor did I want to wilt.
I thought I made this happen but I see that I was wrong
I can’t beat myself up, instead I have to be strong.
So I have cancer again this is something I have to face
The reason for my guilt is not that hard to trace
I don’t have a choice in wanting life to be finished
Instead I should acknowledge feelings, nothing should be diminished
I can do this — keep the doors to my heart open,
Face my feelings, everything should be spoken
It’s not a perfect solution, but neither is life,
But self-expression causes less strife.