Part 1: Last Man Standing
Having vision in one eye created a plethora of problems growing up. I was nearsighted, had academic issues, wore thick ugly glasses and in addition, my poor vision made me terrible at sports as my depth perception was impaired. It was a time of life when no one was able to warn me about this extra added problem that made me a liability on any team. I couldn’t catch a ball to save my life, and when a ball came my way, it felt safer just ducking, making gym class a calamity for me. When they broke up the class into teams, I was always last to be picked and often heard “Ha ha, you got Marilyn.” I tried all sorts of excuses to get out of gym, “I have my ‘friend’” or “I sprained my ankle” but nothing worked which resulted in me disliking competitive sports — if a team I was on lost, they’d blame me.
I found sibling rivalry to be just as difficult. It is, in a way, another form of competition. My older sister and I were alike in some ways, we both loved the Beatles, but she was older, stronger, and smarter so when we fought, which was often, I never won.
As a result, I shied away from competition because there was a winner and a loser, and I didn’t want to add more to my already established loser status. A statement from a winning boxer sticks in my mind: he said that when he finally won the gold belt, he was a winner, the best boxer in the world, but now he had to fight to keep his title. That seems like way too much stress, and for me, an excellent reason to shy away from competition of any kind. I didn’t call attention to myself in class, so needless to say I wasn’t popular either, being on the fringe was safer.
The hippy years came as a blessing for me because nonjudgmental attitudes along with “peace” and “love” were the popular phrases of the day, and most important, it didn’t matter that I couldn’t catch a ball or that I wasn’t popular because everyone was “cool.”
It would seem from these examples that I am not a competitive person, but in some odd and uncomfortable way, competition is thriving within me. My sister and I get along better now, but I can’t help but notice I sometimes feel envious which makes me want to compare and compete. My husband and I both have health issues so in some odd funny way we compete for who is the sicker one. I’m never sure of what the prize is for that. When I am at the gym, I look at what people half my age are doing and make excuses for myself as to why I can’t do what they can. At social gatherings, I look to see who is wearing what, who looks nicer, so like it or not, I am competitive, which up until now still has a winner/loser quality.
I never quite understand why running after a ball is such a popular sport. It’s on TV, in our local parks and stadiums. It’s a multi-billion-dollar business and a past time that helps people feel victorious. We want that winner feeling and we want to emulate it in all aspects of our lives. For so long I just avoided it until quite recently, at 72 years old, I joined a dragon boat racing team and began competing with other teams, which I’m pleased to say is providing me with a more expanded view of competition.
Part 2 …To Be Continued Next Month…